Suspicious Bulimia Behavior?
What Should I do if I Suspect a Friend, Partner or Family Member Has Bulimia?
The answer is; discuss your concern with them. Don’t ignore bulimia signs and hope their binge & purge routines will go away or think that overtime they will grow out of their bulimic habits. They won’t and you will only get more apprehensive about the situation.
The problem for many people, who are close to a suspected bulimic, is that they are unsure about how to approach the person and the subject of bulimia. They feel duty bound to help them overcome bulimia but are afraid that if they do, they might damage their relationship.
To assist you with this situation, we have put together a list of positive steps to help you be proactive, do the right thing and maintain or improve your relationship.
Knowledge is the key in helping you take the right approach when confronting a suspected bulimic. Find out all you can about Bulimia;
- Bulimia signs
- Bulimia symptoms
- Effects of bulimia
- Dangers Of Bulimia
- Bulimia medical help
- Bulimia support
- Bulimia treatment programs
With an excellent appreciation of bulimia nervosa, you will find it easier to talk about and have a good understanding of what that bulimic person is going through.
- When you raise the issue of bulimia, do not criticize, condemn or complain. Your objective is to build a trusting relationship so that the person with bulimia feels relaxed and are able to confide in you.
- Find the right time to raise the topic of their binge & purge routines. Make sure there are no interruptions and explain that what ever they disclose about their bulimia, it will not be shared with anybody else.
- Air your concerns; explain how their suspected binge & purge routines has made you want to become involved in what is a very private and personal matter.
- You could start by saying, “Emma, I feel upset when you refuse to eat with us and you go and shut yourself away in your bedroom,” or “I’m concerned about you using laxatives everyday, I fear for the damage you are doing to your kidneys. Can we talk about it so we both understand what is going on for you?” Then be ready to truly listen, understand and empathize.
- If they open up and admit to binge & purge routines, do not make out that you are going to try and rescue them, save them, force them to have bulimia treatment or to stop being bulimic. Your role is simply to be a friend and be there for them. To help guide them on the road to bulimia recovery.
- At this point in time they are coping with Bulimia in the best way they can. Bulimia is already making their lives a misery; so avoid putting any unreasonable expectations, pressures or demands on them.
- Work with them to seek help or agree on how you can provide support or where to get non-medicated treatment for bulimia e.g. assistance with weekly food shopping, help them find a treatment or accompany them when they visit their GP.
- Jointly start a new hobby that may serve to distract their bulimic habits like dancing or walking. Suggest professional eating disorder treatments (Counseling, GP, Group Therapy, Self-Help, Alternative treatments for bulimia, internet based bulimia treatment etc)
- Be careful not to incite Bulimic behaviors e.g. do not give praise when weight loss is noted or criticize when weight is gained.
- Be prepared for denial or a refusal to be helped with their bulimia. Seek support for yourself; this will better enable you to deal with the effects of bulimia that arise from their binge & purge routines. You could simply take some “Time Out” or have regular conversations with a qualified counselor. Learning to deal with bulimia is vital.
- If you are a friend, letting someone else know that you are trying to help a bulimic (like a teacher if you are a student) may help to take some of the pressure off you.
- If you are a Parent, remove the temptation of binging and purging from the home environment. Don’t keep cupboards filled with typical binge foods such as sweets, candy, cakes, biscuits, chocolates, and so on… instead stock up with fruits, healthy cereal bars, nuts and fresh juices.
- Relax some of your own rules around food and body issues. Don’t force people to eat everything on their plate especially if they are bulimic. Give space for others to grow and be independent. Always provide love and affection.
- If you are a partner, remember to focus on the aspects of your relationship that give you both pleasure. Stay focused on the relationship not the binge & purge routines.
- Do not blame yourself for their bulimia. You did not cause the eating disorder; so you have no reason to harbor any guilty feelings.
- Be mindful of how you communicate your own perception of bulimia as well as weight, shape, diets and body image.
- Accept that bulimia recovery will not happen over night, be patient and continue to provide your support and care for as long as it takes.
Learn about the different Bulimia Treatments
Related Bulimia Articles
- Friends, Partners, Family Members
Not very many people know what to do if a friend or family member has an eating disorder. Here are some tips and advice to help you help your friend.
where can I get help for my daughter who is suffering with bulumia she has made the first step and has sorted out herself to get some help buit that was 5 months ago and she is still waiting to be seen they told her that it could take 6 months as this is on the nation health she will have to wait but is there anywhere that she could go to start sooner? are there any places that I could go to try and understand all of this? if you could help,in anyway I would appriciate it
thank you
Frances
what do i do if i have a friend who is not bulimic but is trying to make herself throw up. she hasn’t been successful yet but im scared that it is going to work one of these times. i told her that it is connected to her emotions. she keeps trying to do it and the only thing i can think of is trying to find help for her. like looking for groups or a support groups that talk to people about this. what do i do?
thank you
lucy
Great post. I am facing a an individual of these problems.
What if the person you are concerned about is male? Should you approach the topic differently?
My brother has lost about 60 lbs in the past 6 months, but he started eating healthy and running so I didn’t think anything of it. Lately my boyfriend(who is also his best friend) and I have caught him throwing up after meals. At first we didn’t think too much into it but now that it’s happened multiple times I am concerned.
Please give advice.
i used to suffer from bulimia myself, and all i can say is that we feel better after purging like this huge weight has been lifted of our shoulders and that we feel better about ourselves after, we don’t have to binge in order to purge… we could had had a half a tuna sandwich and still feel disgusted with ourselves. Bulimia isn’t just being insecure about how much we weigh but its a whole other string of emotions attached to it. All i can say to those who are suffering or are in recovery is that you don’t necessarily need a support group to make the first step, you need to accept yourself and love yourself for who you are. Bulimia makes you stronger in the end, understanding how to deal with it becomes part of who you are. For all of you trying to help victims out there remember, while it scary for you its ten times more frightening for the person crouching over the toilet, if you really love them, remind them of how important they are and how much they mean to everyone else. hoped this helped 🙂
Thank you for sharing. I appreciate your comment. You make some wonderful points. (sorry don’t know your name!). Bulimia is never just about the weight..you are right there! It is far more psychologically complex place of inner demons of insecurities, predispositions of poor coping skills, complex event reinforcements, and behavioural installations that culminates in that deep rooted unhappiness over the eaten food ..of comfort through food in the first place. Body image is one such part. It is also true many are trapped in a long and difficult vicious cycles that could be broken, if earlier help from outside is sought. 20yrs in Bulimia counselling I can vouch for this.. those who recover faster are not only those catch this early on, but also seek the support system outside of one self. We humans have so many blindspots , even when things in life are going well.. to pick at something that is emotionally complex cannot always be done by the person themselves.. It is ofcourse a matter of choice as to how one feels , what type of help they personally prefer and just how long they wish to take about their recovery. That remains an individual’s own choice . Another helpful point you make, about letting loved ones who suffer from Bulimia..know that they are loved is a greated place to start for many, and a sentiment that truly reflects understanding, empathy and love in an unconditional way. This process that embarks on building back that broken self worth is always a great gift offer in building back the sufferer’s high self esteem. With warmest wishes ~ Vathani
Dear Chari, thank you for this blog post.. Hope your New Year has started with a hope and happiness both for you and your family? Gender of the sufferer has no difference, as the complexities of the insecurities, fears , compensations, personality traits, poor food relationship and so on are all similar if not the same as in female sufferer. Sadly the way bulimia is presented can be very easily camouflaged with their apparent adonis complexes.. This is where the physique of the obscession via an overly healthy behaviours like going to the gym regularly masks the symptoms of the bulimic ways.. much like in us ladies if our method of bulimic compensation is via exercise. Losing 60lbs in mere 6months is already showing drastic consequences of his bulimia Chari. How old is your brother? Do you feel he would be receptive to speaking to one of the trusted family members like your self openly about his fears and anxieties? or even an outsider like me who works in this field? Email me directly or get him to visit this website or other very resourceful websites on Bulimia recovery and treatment.. so you can help him sense the danger of his ways , if he were to carry on heading in this direction. we are here to help.. so please be in touch. I wish you well.. with warm wishes ~ Vathani
Vathani, thank you so much for the wonderful response (i am anonymous) . I have relapse and i feel like a complete failure but reading the blog gives me hope that will someday ( hopefully soon) i will be at my best again.
My first recovery was rocky, hard and heart breaking. I wanna make a change and i wanna be stronger can you please give me some advise?
my brother is nearly 35 and although very intelligent and hard working had always
found himself easily led with drugs and drink since a young age. This has caused much worry. Ever since i can rememeber he has gone to the toilet after every meal. Even when eating it is like he struggles toget the food down, like hes in pain. HE has struggled with lack of work and my mum says hes lost more weight. I am going travelling and so worried and cant believe i have never done anything. he wont talk about things like that and sometimes we dont see him for weeks at a time. so when he does turn up we are grateful for this. What should i do?
Dear Kate. please accept my apologies for the delay in replying to you. You must be very worried. 1st thing 1st though: let go of any guilt attached to not having helped him Lovely. He IS an adult. Your brother sadly can only be helped when HE decides to receive that help sadly! He sounds like he has a few addictive tendencies already with drugs and drinks..common in bulimics; and he sounds currently chaotic too. Once you are back, chose a right day, when he is least under any influence to have a heart to heart with him. Explain your worries and concerns, and then offer him your help – provided he is receptive, you can then ensure him getting right help. I shall mail you the “Dos and Donts” of what to do privately..Follow those instructions..and contact me directly if you need further help or advice ok? You be well and enjoy your travels without overly worrying about him. With warm wishes ~ Vathani